Valentine's Day, or more properly St. Valentine's Day if you please, was invented a bazillion years ago by Catholics, not Hallmark.
It wasn't fully conceived in its modern form with all the heart-shaped letters, and an economy of chocolates and diamonds for nook and/or forgiveness. No, we can thank the French for coming up with poetry-filled cards and Chaucer (perhaps) for making it smutty with associations to romantic love.
Point is, Valentine's Day changes with the times, and even now you're probably already screwing it up with technology by texting and tweeting. Here are some dos and don'ts when combining technology with love.
Dating Etiquette
Don't text on dates. That should be really simple, but some of you whack jobs need more explicit detail. Most people think of dates like interviews. You try to be on your best behavior in the hopes of tricking someone into "hiring" you. It's ironic that often both people want to impress, rather than vet, their opposite. But it's also sort of nice, in the modern world, to see people try to be endearing and sweet.
Against this backdrop, it should be obvious that you Turn Off Your Cell phone on a date. You want the person you’re out with to know that he or she is the most important item on your to-do list, so to speak. If you have to leave the phone on (because you're Jack Bauer or whatever) it's OK to check incoming calls. But unless the caller is your sick mom or the president, leave it for voicemail.
There's simply no excuse for texting … unless he or she is in the bathroom.
Fake beers don’t get you drunk; fake flowers don’t get you …
Breakups follow Valentine’s Day like depression spikes on Christmas: Expectations are never met.
Unfortunately, the only surefire way to remedy this is by lowering expectations. Expect restaurants to be packed, not cozy; expect your jerk of a boyfriend to be a jerk and forget your favorite flower/gemstone/color. He is a jerk after all. What do you expect? Still, setting expectations low isn't much fun, now is it?
No. The second best way to stave off disappointment is to not be such a colossal jerk. Put some effort into getting/making a real card with ribbons and quotes from your private shared vocabulary (or whatever). Don’t Facebook digital chocolates, or send a Hallmark e-card. That’s for grade-A jerks that deserve to get dumped.
There are some things you can't do virtually
Not that, you perv.
Well, that too, but even beforehand, remember talking and eye contact are the actions that keep momentum going in new, and even old, relationships. Avoid the pitfall of many texters and make sure to have some real contact here and there, especially early on.
A budding relationship can’t be maintained by texts and IMs. It's a density-of-information issue. Voice, with its intonation and timing, carries a great deal more information and allows for flirting, humor, sarcasm or unmasked naked desire in a way "gr8 c-ing u last night" just doesn't.
Texting isn't all bad. It can bridge those unavoidable gaps between talking on the phone or seeing one another IRL. In the long run, however, remember: Texting is to voice and in-person communication what long-distance relationships are to, you know, ones that work out.
Facebook: Do not friend!
You've had a good date, or two or three, and you want to keep in touch. What do you do? Well for sure what you don’t do is ask to be Facebook friends.
It’s too much, and it’s too quick. Facebook is a place for friends and relative strangers. It isn’t for new beaus and belles. Here’s why:
A) Your new dream-pal may be dating other folk. Don’t turn Facebook into an arena where you dorks vie for his/her attention.
B) It’s too soon. Facebook is all up in your business, with appearances by friends, family and old pals from high school. It’s like a long, dragged-out Thanksgiving weekend. You don’t friend someone on Facebook for the same reason you don’t invite yourself over for Thanksgiving after a couple of dates; if it doesn’t work out, everybody loses.
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